Category: signs

* (A Country) Funeral

by On the River, posted in religion-CLERICS, signs
FROM: religion 2004-10-23

A young minister was asked by the local funeral director to hold a grave-side burial service at a small local cemetery for someone with no family or friends.
The minister started early but quickly got himself lost, making several wrong turns. Eventually, a half-hour late, he saw a backhoe and its crew, but the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch.
The diligent young minister went to the open grave and found the vault lid already in place.
Taking out his book, he read the service. Feeling guilty because of his tardiness, he preached an impassioned and lengthy service, sending the deceased to the great beyond in style.
As he was returning to his car, he overheard one of the workmen say: “I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years and I ain’t never seen anything like that.”

Thanks to Rev. JAB, J&B and MjS

Real Life Signs [2002-12-07]

by On the River, posted in medicine, signs

GYNAECOLOGY: Dr. Jones, at your cervix.

MATERNITY: Push. Push. Push.

OPTOMETRY: If you don’t see what you’re looking for, you’ve come to the right place.

PLASTIC SURGERY: Hello. Can we pick your nose?

PODIATRY: Time wounds all heels.

PROCTOLOGY/ENDOSCOPY:
To expedite your visit, please back in.

Thanks to DMS, J&B, MjD, MZ and PH

dogs – QUICKIES [2003; 2005]

by On the River, posted in dogs, one-liners, signs

DID YOU KNOW…The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven is $6,400? $16,400? A LOT, but who cares?

EVER WONDER…who tastes dog food when it has a “new & improved” flavour?

REAL LIFE SIGNS:
On a fence:
“Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive.”
In a veterinarian’s waiting room:
“Back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!”


Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.

Thanks to JFW, J&B, MjD, MZ and PH

Typoglycemia [language 2006-07-27 version]

by On the River, posted in signs, WORDplay

AKA Amazing; I am one of 55;
Interesting Reading; Only Great Minds Can Read This

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mind. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn’t mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can ! sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe.
Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia. Amzanig huh?
Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt.
COULD YOU READ THIS? I DID…

Text thanks to D&V, J&B and PH…