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Archive for the ‘one-liners’ Category

sleep

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.

Quips thanks to JFW, MZ, J&B, and PH;
emoticons thanks to JAB and DMS

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FROM: 2003-12-05 and 2004-05-27

If a turtle doesn’t have a shell,
is he homeless or naked?

Turtles can breathe through their bums.

(Do you suppose they might have bad breath?)
(
And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)
(I know some people like that, don’t YOU?)

 NEW http://learningproject.cst.org/ideas/248

 

Thanks to JFW, MZ, WL, JAB, J&B, PH and MJS

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smoking

Isn’t making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match. 

 
 
Animation thanx to J&B;
 
Quips thanx to MjD, DMS, JFW, JAB and J&B 

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CLOCKS

There are no clocks in Las Vegas gambling casinos.

When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.

All of the clocks in the movie Pulp Fiction are stuck on 4:20.
 

 

Text thanks to JFW and MZ;
illustration thanks to PH and DEG

 

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originally sent with sound; this link sent 2014-02-20;
(animation also seen in…Good Morning Blessings)

Life is not about how to survive the storm,
but how to dance in the rain.

Thanks to…PH, SS, RM and JC

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I believe in dragons, good men and
OTHER mythological creatures.

Joke thanks to DMS; illustration thanks to MjS

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from: 2006-01-24…

 

 Be kinder than necessary,
for everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

  

 

Thanks to MjS, SB, PH, SS and RM

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