~The Parrot – Uh-Oh…[2005-05-31]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $50.00.
“Why so little,” she asked the pet storeowner.
The owner looked at her and said, “Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live in a house of prostitution, and sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff.”
The woman thought about this, but decided she had to have the bird anyway. She took it home, hung the bird’s cage up in her living room, and waited for it to say something.
The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said, “New house, new madam.”
The woman was a bit shocked at the implication, but then thought, “that’s really not so bad.”
When her two teenage daughters returned from school the bird saw and said, “New house, new madam, new girls.”
The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then began to laugh about the situation considering how and where the parrot had been raised.
Moments later, the woman’s husband Vince came home from work. The bird looked at him and said, “Hi Vince.”

Thanks to LST and PH

* Christmas Parrot

AKA Chet the Christmas Parrot

One Christmas Eve, a frenzied young man ran into a pet shop looking for an unusual Christmas gift for his wife. The shop owner suggested a parrot, named Chet, which could sing famous Christmas carols. This seemed like the perfect gift.
“How do I get him to sing?” the young man asked, excitedly.
“Simply hold a lighted match directly under his feet” was the shop owner’s reply, demonstrating with a match under the parrot’s left foot. The parrot began to sing, “Jingle Bells! Jingle Bells!”
The shop owner then held another match under the parrot’s RIGHT foot. Chet’s tune changed, and the air was filled with, “Silent Night, Holy Night…”
The young man was so impressed that he paid the shopkeeper and ran home as quickly as he could with Chet under his arm.
When the wife saw her gift, she was overwhelmed. “How beautiful!” She exclaimed, “Can he talk?”
“No,” the young man replied, “But he can sing. Let me show you.”
The husband whipped out his lighter and placed it under Chet’s left foot as the shopkeeper had shown him, and Chet crooned, “Jingle Bells! Jingle bells!”
The man then moved the lighter to Chet’s right foot, and out came, “Silent Night, Holy night…”
The wife, her face filled with curiosity, then asked, “What if we hold the lighter between his legs?”
The husband did not know. “Let’s try it,” he answered. Eager to please his wife, he did as she suggested.
Chet twisted his face, cleared his throat, and the little parrot sang out loudly like it was the performance of his life, “Chet’s nuts roasting on an open fire…”

Thanks to J&B and…