Category: GOD

I asked God for a flower…

by On the River, posted in friends, GOD
Last sent 2007-12-05 Footprints…a new version

 

I asked God for a flower,
sHe gave me a garden.
I asked for a tree,
sHe gave me a forest.
I asked for water (a river),
sHe gave me an ocean.
I asked for a friend,
sHe gave me ALL OF YOU!

 

Thanks to HDM, HW and…

 

God Said No

by On the River, posted in GOD

I asked God to take away my habit.
God said, No; it is not for Me to take away,
but for you to give it up.

I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No; his spirit is whole, his body is only temporary.

I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No; patience is a by-product of tribulations;
it isn’t granted, it is learned.

I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No; I give you blessings; happiness is up to you.

I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No; suffering draws you apart from worldly cares
and brings you closer to me.

I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No; you must grow on your own,
but I will prune you to make you fruitful.

I asked God for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No; I will give you life, so that you may enjoy all things.

I asked God to help me love others, as much as sHe loves me.
God said…Ahhhh, finally you have the idea.

 

Thanks to SS and…

* $100.00

by On the River, posted in GOD, government

A little boy wanted $100.00 very badly and prayed for weeks, but nothing happened. Then he decided to write God a letter requesting the $100.00.
When Canada Post employees received the letter to God, Canada; they decided to send it to the Prime Minister.
The Prime Minister was so amused that he instructed his secretary to send the little boy a $5.00 bill.
The Prime Minister thought this would appear to be a lot of money to a little boy. The little boy was delighted with the $5.00 bill and sat down to write a thank-you note to God, which read, “Dear God: Thank you very much for sending the money. However, I noticed that for some reason you sent it through Ottawa; and those assh*les deducted $95.00 in taxes.”

Thanks to J&B and…

And God said…

by On the River, posted in Adam&Eve, GOD
AKA Adam & Eve


God said … “Adam I want you to do something for me.”
Adam said, “Gladly, Lord, what do you want me to do?”
God said, “Go down into that valley.”
Adam said, “What’s a valley?”
God explained it to him.
Then God said, “Cross the river.”
Adam said, “What’s a river?”
God explained that to him, and the n said, “Go over to the hill”
Adam said, “What is a hill?”
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, “On the other side of the hill you will find a cave”
Adam said, “What’s a cave?”
God explained.
“In the cave you will find a Woman”
Adam said, “What’s a woman?”
So God explained that to him too.
Then, God said, “I want you to reproduce.”
Adam said, “How do I do that?”
God first said … under his breath, “Geez.” And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam as well.

So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.
Then, in about five minutes, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, “What is it now?”
And Adam said…”What’s a headache?”

Thanks to DM, PH and…

God

by On the River, posted in GOD, men, one-liners, VIVE LE DIFFERENCE

 

Man says to God: ‘God, why did you make woman so beautiful?’
God says: ‘So you would love her.’
But God, ‘the man says, ‘why did you make her so dumb?’
God says: ‘So she would love you.’

 

 

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.
-Robin Williams

 

Thanks to DMS, JFW, J&B, MZ and PH

 

to a beautiful person

by On the River, posted in GOD
AKA Thought for the Day…
FROM: friends – the other side 2004-05-05

 

God is crazy about you.
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If sHe had a wallet, your photo would be in it.

sHe sends you flowers every spring
and a sunrise every morning.
Whenever you want to talk, sHe’ll listen.
sHe can live anywhere in the universe,
and sHe chose your heart.

God didn’t promise days without pain,
laughter without sorrow,
sun without rain,
but sHe did promise strength for the day…
comfort for the tears,
and light for the way.
If God brings you to it, sHe will bring you through it.

 

Thanks to J&B, PC, PH and…