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Archive for the ‘magic’ Category

A man walks into a bar with a paper bag. He sits down and places the bag on the counter. The bartender walks up and asks what’s in the bag.
The man reaches into the bag and pulls out a little man, about one foot high, and sets him on the counter. He reaches back into the bag and this time pulls out a small piano, setting it on the counter as well. He reaches into the bag once again and pulls out a tiny piano bench, which he places in front of the piano. The little man sits down at the piano and starts playing a piece by Mozart.
“Where on earth did you get that?” Says the bartender.
The man responds by again reaching into the paper bag, but this time he pulls out a magic lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says: “Here. Rub it.”
So, the bartender rubs the lamp, and suddenly there’s a gust of smoke, then a beautiful genie is standing before him.
“I will grant you one wish,” she says.
The bartender gets excited by having a wish from a real genie. He had always dreamed about it, but now it’s actually happening. So without even hesitating, he says:
“I want a million bucks.”
So, the genie nods her head and disappears in another gust of smoke.
A few moments later, a duck walks into the bar. It is soon followed by another duck, then another. Pretty soon, the entire bar is filled with ducks.
The bartender turns to the man and says, “Y’know, I think your genie’s a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks.” “I know,” says the man “do you really think I asked for a 12 inch pianist?

Thanks to MZ and J&B

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The Magician

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
One problem: the captain’s parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, the parrot started shouting in the middle of the show: “Look, it’s not the same hat!”
“Look, he’s hiding the flowers under the table.”
“Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?”
The magician was furious, but couldn’t do anything. It was, after all, the captain’s parrot.
Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle Of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally, on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back, “OK, I give up. Where’s the f*ck*ng ship?”

Thanks to J&B

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