Archive for the ‘DUMB’ Category

Men tend to take more risks than women do, and they also seem to be ahead of women in engaging in risky behavior that is extremely “idiotic,” according to researchers who revealed in a new study that the majority of the receivers of a Darwin Award are men.

To win a Darwin Award, a darkly humorous honor that has existed for more than 20 years, a person must die in “an extraordinarily idiotic manner,” and thereby protect the human gene pool and improve the species’ chances of long-term survival. For example, one person in the new study was a “terrorist who posted a letter bomb with insufficient postage stamps and who, on its return, unthinkingly opened his own letter,” the researchers wrote.

In a special Christmas issue of the BMJ (a lighthearted edition of the medical journal that normally publishes serious research), researchers in the United Kingdom used the Darwin Award database to examine an idea they call “male idiot theory,” to see whether men’s generally higher inclination for risk-taking extends to taking “idiotic risks.” [Macho Man: 10 Wild Facts About His Body]

The researchers reviewed the stories of all nominees for the Darwin Award from 1995 to 2014, noting the gender of the winner. To win a Darwin Award, the story of how the death happened must be verifiable, and the person must have been capable of sound judgment, while showing “an astonishing misapplication of common sense.”

The researchers looked at 332 cases confirmed by the Darwin Awards Committee to be true incidents. For their analysis, they excluded 14 cases of deaths of adventurous couples, leaving them with 318 cases.

Of those, just 36 were women. The other 282 winners, or 88.7 percent, were men, the researchers found.

The findings support the researchers’ theory that “men are idiots, and idiots do stupid things,” they said.

The theory could also explain some of the gender gap previous studies have found in risk-seeking behaviors, emergency department visits and mortality, the researchers said. Men are more likely than women to be admitted to an emergency department after accidental injuries or with a sport injury, and they are more likely to die in traffic accidents.

Men may be more likely to play riskier sports or have dangerous occupations, but they might also do more stupid things, according to the study.

Still, it is also possible that the makeup of Darwin Award winners is biased toward men because cases involving women may not get reported as often.

In addition, alcohol use and its effects may be different among men and women and could potentially impact how many of each group will end up in an event leading to a Darwin Award, the researchers added.

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Sent as e-mail

A blonde gets a job as a teacher.
She notices a boy in the field standing alone, while all the other kids are running around having fun.
She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him.
‘You OK?’ she says.
‘Yes.’ he says.
‘You can go and play with the other kids you know.’ she says.
‘It’s best I stay here,’ he says.’
‘Why?’, says the blonde.
The boy says: ‘Because, I’m the goalie!!’

Thanks to hDM

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FROM: dumb & dumber 2003-07-08 AND Happy Easter 2006-04-08
AKA Canadian Blondes; this link sent 2014-04-16


Three blondes died and found themselves standing before St. Peter. He told them that before they could enter the Kingdom of Heaven, they had to tell him what Easter represented.
The first blonde, an American, said, “Easter is a holiday where they have a big feast and we give thanks and eat turkey.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished her to Hell.
The second blonde, a Brit, said “Easter is when we celebrate Jesus’ birth and exchange gifts.”
St. Peter said, “Noooooo,” and he banished HER to Hell.
The third blonde, a Canadian, said that SHE knew what Easter was, and St. Peter said, “So, tell me.”
SHE said, “Easter is a Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish festival of Passover. Jesus was having Passover feast with His disciples when he was betrayed by Judas, and the Romans arrested him. The Romans hanged Him on the cross and eventually He died. Then they buried Him in a tomb behind a very large boulder.”
St. Peter said, “Verrrrrry good.”
Then the blonde continued, “Now, every year the Jews roll away the boulder and Jesus comes out. If he sees his shadow, we have six more weeks of hockey.”
St. Peter fainted.


Thanks to J&B and CLP

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After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So, the husband went to his…veterinarian and told him that he and his…cousin didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear a and count to 10.”
The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”
“Trust me,” said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1-2-3-4-5.”
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia, and Washington, DC.


Thanks to PH and…

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also seen in a ‘Hillary’ version

A redneck was washed up on a beach after a terrible shipwreck with only a sheep and a sheepdog. After looking around, he realized that they were stranded on a deserted island.
After being there a while, he got into the habit of taking his two animal companions to the beach every evening to watch the sun set.
One particular evening, the sky was a fiery red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle – a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the lonely man. Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.
But the sheepdog, ever protective of the sheep, growled fiercely until the redneck took his arm from around the sheep.
After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.
A few weeks passed by and, lo and behold, there was another shipwreck. The only survivor was a beautiful woman. That evening, the redneck introduced her to the evening ritual.
It was another beautiful evening – red sky, cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze – perfect for a night of romance. Pretty soon, the man started to get “those feelings” again…
He fought the urges as long as he could, but he finally gave in and cautiously leaned over to the woman and whispered in her ear…”Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?”

Thanks to MZ and…

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blonde GUY joke

An Irishman, a Mexican, and a blonde GUY were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, “Corned beef and cabbage!If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I’m going to jump off this building.”
The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, “Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I’m going to jump off, too.”
The blonde opened his lunch and said, ” Baloney again! If I get a baloney sandwich one more time, I’m jumping too.”
The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death.
The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too.
The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the baloney, and jumped to his death as well.
At the joint funeral, the Irishman’s wife was weeping.She said, “If I’d known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!”
The Mexican’s wife also wept and said, “I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn’t realize he hated burritos so much.”
Everyone turned and stared at the blonde’s wife.The blonde’s wife said, “Don’t look at me. He made his OWN lunch.”

Thanks to HDM and

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credits witheld due to Anti-Terrorism legislation

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A car gets a flat on the highway one day. The blonde driver eases it over onto the shoulder of the road, carefully steps out of the car, and opens the trunk.
She takes out two cardboard men, unfolds them, and stands them at the rear of the vehicle facing oncoming traffic. The lifelike cardboard men are in trench coats exposing their nude bodies and private parts to approaching drivers. Not surprisingly, the traffic becomes snarled and backed-up. It isn’t very long before a police car arrives. The constable, clearly enraged, approaches the blonde of the disabled vehicle yelling, “What’s going on here?”
“My car broke down, officer” says the woman calmly.
“Well, what the hell are these obscene cardboard pictures doing here by the road?” he asks.
“Helllooooooo!!!!” says the blonde. “Those are my emergency flashers!”



Thanks to PH and…

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The Newfoundland Painter Garge, while not a brilliant scholar, was a gifted portrait artist. His fame grew and soon people from all over the country were coming to him in Gander for paintings.
One day, a beautiful young woman pulled up to his house in a stretch limo. She asked
if he would paint her in the nude. This was the first time anyone had made this request. The beautiful woman said money was no object; she was willing to pay $50,000.
Not wanting to get into trouble with his wife,
Garge asked the woman to wait while he went in the house and conferred with Lena, his missus
In a few minutes, he returned and said to the woman, “Would be me pleasure ma’am.
Missus says it’s okay; I’ll paint ya in da nude, but I has ta leave me socks on so I has a place to wipe me brushes…”

Thanks to J&B and…

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A blonde goes to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards. She says to the clerk, “May I have 50 Christmas stamps?”
The clerk says, “What denomination?”
The blonde says, “God help us. Has it come to this? Give me 6 Catholic, 12 Anglicans, 10 United and 22 Baptists.”

Thanks to PH and…

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