FROM: Stress Busters 2004-11-04
AKA Voodoo Penis; especially for RWM
An executive was getting ready to go on a long business trip. He knew his wife was a flirtatious sort, so he thought he’d try to get her something to keep her occupied while he was gone.
He went to a store that sold sex toys and started looking around. He thought about a life-sized sex doll, but that was too close to another man for him. He was browsing through the dildos, looking for something special to please his wife, when he started talking to the old man behind the counter, and explained his situation.
The old man said, “Well, I don’t really know that I have anything that will do the trick. We have vibrating dildos, special attachments, and so on, but I don’t know of anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except…”
and he stopped.
“Except what?” the man asked.
“C’mon, tell me! I need SOMEthing!”
“Well, sir, I don’t usually mention this, but there IS The Voodoo Dick.”
The husband said, “The whaaaat?”
The man repeated, “The Voodoo Dick.” The old man reached under the counter, and pulled out an old wooden box, carved with strange symbols. He opened it, and there laid a very ordinary-looking dildo.
The businessman laughed, and said, “Big deal. It looks like every other dildo in this store!”
The old man replied, “But you haven’t seen what it’ll do yet.” He pointed to a door and said “Voodoo Dick, the door.”
The Voodoo Dick rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding the keyhole. The whole door shook with the vibrations, so much so that a crack developed down the middle.
Then the old man said “Voodoo Dick, return to box!”
The Voodoo Dick stopped, floated back to the box and lay there, quiescent once more.
“I’ll take it!” said the executive.
The old man resisted, saying it wasn’t for sale, but he finally surrendered to $700 in cash.
The man took it home to his wife, told her it was a special dildo and that to use it, all she had to do was say “Voodoo Dick, my pussy.” He left for his trip satisfied that things would be fine while he was gone.
After he’d been gone a few days, the wife was unbearably horny. She thought of several people who would willingly satisfy her, but then she remembered The Voodoo Dick. She got it out, and said “Voodoo Dick, my pussy!”
The Voodoo Dick shot to her crotch and started pumping. It was absolutely incredible, like nothing she’d ever experienced before. After three mind shattering orgasms, she decided she’d had enough, and tried to pull it out, but it was stuck in her, still thrusting. She tried and tried to get it out, but NOTHING worked; her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off.
Finally, she decided to go to Emerg to see if THEY could help. She put on her clothes, got in the car, and started to drive to the hospital, quivering with every thrust of the dildo. On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm nearly made her swerve off the road.
A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she’d had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, she explained, “I haven’t had ANYthing to drink, Constable. I’ve got this I’ve got this Voodoo Dick thing stuck in my crotch, and it won’t stop screwing me…”
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, “Yeah right…Voodoo Dick, my ass!”
The rest, as they say, is history.
Thanks to SS and PH
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