Archive for the ‘infidelity’ Category

Infidelity is one of the most difficult relationship issues to overcome.

Your feelings and thoughts are like a roller coaster, and the emotional trauma can be a mental health diagnosis in itself with symptoms of depression, anxiety, alcoholism, sleep problems, and more similar to post-traumatic stress disorder.

Experts have a hard time determining true statistics on the prevalence of affairs, but it doesn’t take an expert to determine the misery of experiencing and overcoming one.

If your emotional trauma leaves you questioning how to survive this, who you can turn to, or whether you should stay or leave, you MUST understand what your brain is trying to tell you:

1. He is the source of your pain.

Nothing he says or does will make you feel any better in this moment or for a minimum of the next three months. Once your brain sees him as a pain inducer it can’t also identify him as a pain reliever. So, we have to be careful what we expect of him. Hell, it hurts just watching him sleep.

2. He is a liar.

People lie for any number of reasons. They don’t want to hurt you. They want to protect themselves, and/or they just have a bad habit of doing so. We may not know why he lied, but we do know he did tell a minimum of one lie. Lord knows how many others.

With that said, how can you determine if he’s telling the truth? I know you want to hear “the truth,” but really, how will you know if he’s really telling it?

Even if he did give you all the passwords to email, cell phone, and other social media accounts, how do you know he didn’t create another one or make a phone call from another phone?

You need some time before you’re ready to expect, hear, and accept any version of “the truth.”

3. Limited information hurts — a lot.

You can’t eat, sleep, or drink right now. You’re constantly crying and irritable and feel hopeless and alone.

And you don’t even know the whole story. You still don’t know why, when it began, how long, how many others, did he use protection, and so on. Even if he answers those questions, do you actually believe him?

Understand this: the more we know, the more you’ll hurt. And, the more this hurts, the more he has to be forgiven.

Wait until you’re in a better emotional place to ask these questions, and consider asking in the presence of a counselor, pastor, first lady, or someone well respected as the mediator.

4. You can still make your marriage work.

While it feels like the end of the world, or at least your relationship, the truth is your marriage isn’t over unless you decide to end it. With forgiveness, you can make this a marriage, but it will take some time.

He can’t fix the marriage alone. With the right people in your life, you can learn to forgive him and trust him again.

And with the right people in his life, he has to work on becoming the best version of himself as a husband father, and man — emotionally and spiritually.

5. He can’t earn your trust; he can only help ease your decision to trust him.

Think of all the people you trust, especially the ones who made it their personal life’s mission to earn our trust. The reality is, we trust people we think are genuinely good versions of themselves personally and/or professionally, not the ones seeking to earn our trust.

For example, you don’t trust your doctor because she said she wanted to earn our trust. You trust her because you’ve learned of their great professional work ethic, commitment to being great and the results of their greatness. The same is true with your closest friends.

Trust is a decision you make. Therefore, you want him to be a better man, instead of a man seeking to earn your trust.

It’s who he becomes as a person that you learn to trust, not what “checklist” he completes. Besides, there’s always a guy out there looking to “earn our trust,” especially at a time like this.

6. You can’t do this alone.

You need help from unbiased people, preferably trained professionals, so you can learn how to identify how the relationship reached this point, take responsibility for any role we have in it (not for his decision to cheat, however), and learn to view and share our story in a more complete context.

You need someone to teach you how to manage the negative thoughts and emotions you have surrounding the affair. You also need someone to teach you how to forgive and how to begin the process of restoring trust.

There is no set timeline for you to do, either. And, like those suffering with post-traumatic stress disorder, you need to be surrounded by compassionate people.

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They handle your investments, run your favourite restaurants and hang out in the same country clubs lurking in the shadows (or high class luxury suites) stealing kisses and lying about it like school kids in love. Toronto the good? More like Toronto the naughty…

New data collected from the 200,000 member of extra-marital affair site AshleyMadison.com – an unprecedented hookup hub that could only exist in the Internet age – show record numbers of cheaters walk among us.

The mansions of Forest Hill (new reality show perhaps?) are fertile ground for the unfaithful, with the Toronto neighbourhood trumping the list of most affair-seekers per capita.

Money and affairs seem to go better than some married couples with many of the cities the site collected data from showing more cheaters in the rich neighbourhoods.

“How do you become wealthy in today’s world – you tend to have to take some risk with the career path you choose, the places you invest or whatever it ends up being,” AshleyMadison.com founder and CEO Noel Biderman told Yahoo Canada Finance. “Is it any wonder that somebody who’s willing to take risks in their professional lives might take it in their personal lives?”

Take a look at the top cheater havens in Toronto and tell us money isn’t at least a part of the equation.

High Park hijinks hold the second spot, while sexy scandal seeped rendezvous by the lake in The Beaches neighbourhood, sit in third. Rosedale is next, followed by Downtown, Yonge and Eglinton – where cheaters seem to be the most promiscuous having the highest amount of affair partners according to the data – North York, Etobicoke, Scarborough and Liberty Village.

Maybe it’s the “black-out” time that comes with affluence. The long hours spent “working” and “golfing” with the buddies or having the nanny look after the kids while you head to the spa for a quickie – after all 45 per cent of Toronto’s unfaithful are female, about 39-years old on average.

“It’s revealing that 39-year-old women do have four times as many affairs as their 38-year-old male counterparts,” adds Biderman. “That’s what is fascinating and that’s what is transformative about this data that could maybe make us more effective in our marriages or, on the other side, lead us to be more liberal in our choice of being more non-monogamous.”

Either way, Toronto isn’t alone. Canada-wide the site boasts 1.9 million affair-seekers, or rather 1.9 million divorces waiting to happen.

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AKA Irish Humour


Denise came home early and found her husband in their bedroom having sex with a very attractive young woman.
“You disrespectful pig!” she cried. “How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!”
And Frank replied, “Hang on just a minute Lie‑py, so at least I can tell you what happened.”
“Fine, go ahead,” she sobbed, “but they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”
And Frank began, “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenceless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days!
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the cannelloni I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.
Since she needed a good clean-up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes so I threw them away.
Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t use because I don’t have good taste.
I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t use because someone at work has the same pair.”
Here Frank took a quick breath and continued, “She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, ‘Please…do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’”


Thanks to PH and…

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previously seen in a ‘barber’ version

A woman stuck her head into a hair salon and asked, “How long before I can get a wash & curl?” The beautician looked around the salon full of customers and said, “about 2 hours.” The woman left.
A few days later, the same woman stuck her head in the door and asked,” How long before I can get a wash & curl?” The beautician looked around at the salon and said,” About 3 hours.” The woman left.
A week later, the same woman stuck her head in the salon and asked, “How long before I can get a wash & curl?” The beautician looked around the salon and said, “About an hour and a half.” The woman left.
The beautician turned to her girlfriend and said, “Hey Sheila, do me a favour. Follow that woman and see where she goes. She keeps asking how long she has to wait for a wash & curl, but then she doesn’t ever come back.”
A little while later, Sheila returned to the salon, crying hysterically.
The beautician asked, “So, where does that woman go when she leaves?”
Sheila looked up, wiped the tears from her eyes and said, “Your house!”

Thanks to J&B and…

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This content sent as e-mail 2014-06-13

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied: “Not this time!”

Thanks to JAB and MapZ

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A married man was having an affair with his secretary. One day they went to her place and had sex all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.
“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”
She looked down at his shoes and said: “You lying bastard!
You’ve been playing golf!”

Thanks to JAB and MZ

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I am NOT suggesting anyone DO any of these things,
but fantasizing about them just might make you feel better!

* no, i am not a regular viewer; i was just channel flipping

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People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing…

Infidelity begins in the heart and mind. By the time a person physically commits adultery, he or she has been indulging for quite some time in progressively more intense mental and emotional affairs.
David Sanford

…cheating is due to super low self-esteem taken out on your (loved one), as opposed to telling your spouse, “I feel _____…how can you help me?”

Deceit is never justified…It just builds a thicker layer of lies.

The hurt the betrayed spouse feels is in direct proportion to how much they love the wayward spouse and value the marriage.

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Shattered Vows
i found this in an old Psychology Today magazine first
more from Ms. Glass

Affair Profiler

Top 10 Signs of Infidelity by Anne Bercht

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