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Archive for June, 2008

sent as e-mail 2014-05-21

Canadian Patents Database – STRAW HAT COVER
http://patents.ic.gc.ca/cipo/cpd/en/patent/227389/summary.html

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An Ontario couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
So, the husband left Toronto and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. He accidentally, however, left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email to a wrong person.
Meanwhile, in Minden, a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I’ve Arrived
Date: Fri 2008-06-27 17:28
I know you’re surprised to hear from me.
They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.
I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I’ve seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then!!!!
Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!

 

Thanks to PH and…

 

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sent as e-mail 2014-04-30

 

A 6-year-old and 4 year-old are upstairs in their bedroom.
“You know what?” says the 6 year-old. “I think it’s about time we started cussing.”
The 4-year-old nods his head in approval.
The 6-year-old continues, “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say something with
‘hell’ and you say something with ‘ass
.'”
The 4-year-old agrees with enthusiasm.
When their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6-year-old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, “Aw hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cheerios.”
WHACK! He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. She locks him in his room and shouts, “You can stay in there until I let you out.”
She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4-year-old and asks with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?
“I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your fat ass it won’t be
Cheerios.”

 

honey_nut_cheerios_gif_by_askkurukthewerebear-d5amrjl

 

Thanks to PH and…

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http://memoriter.net/flash/test.html

 

Thanks to RM and…

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After their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough, as they could not afford a larger bed.
So, the husband went to his…veterinarian and told him that he and his…cousin didn’t want to have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. “A less costly alternative,” said the doctor, “is to go home, get a cherry bomb, (fireworks are legal in Alabama) light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to your ear a and count to 10.”
The Alabamian said to the doctor, “I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.”
“Trust me,” said the doctor.
So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count: “1-2-3-4-5.”
At which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and continued counting on his other hand.
This procedure also works in Tennessee, Kentucky, Louisiana, Arkansas, Mississippi, Missouri, West Virginia, and Washington, DC.

 

Thanks to PH and…

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A trucker came into a truck stop cafe and placed his order. He said, “I want three flat tires, a pair of headlights, and a pair of running boards.”
The brand new blonde waitress, not wanting to appear stupid, went to the kitchen and said to the cook, “This guy out there just ordered three flat tires, a pair of headlights and a pair of running boards. What does he think this place is, an auto parts store?”
“No,” the cook said. “Three flat tires means three pancakes, a pair of headlights is two eggs sunny side up, and running boards are two slices of crisp bacon. ”
“Oh, OK!” said the blonde. She thought about it for a moment and then spooned up a bowl of beans and gave it to the customer.
The trucker asked, “What are the beans for, Blondie?
She replied, “I thought while you were waiting for the flat tires, headlights and running boards, you might as well gas up!”

“for once the blonde gets even!”

 

Thanks to PH and…

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Today, upon a bus, I saw a girl with golden hair
I looked at her and sighed and wished I were as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave,
I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and used a crutch
But as she passed, she passed a smile.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine
I have two legs, the world is mine.

I stopped to buy some candy
The lad who sold it had such charm
I talked with him a while, he seemed so very glad
If I were late, it’d do no harm.
And as I left, he said to me,
“I thank you, you’ve been so kind.
It’s nice to talk with folks like you.
You see, “he said, “I’m blind.”
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two eyes, the world is mine.

Later while walking down the street,
I saw a child with eyes of blue
He stood and watched the others play
He did not know what to do.
I stopped a moment and then I said,
“Why don’t you join the others, dear?”
He looked ahead without a word.
And then I knew, he couldn’t hear.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two ears, the world is mine.

With feet to take me where I’d go.
With eyes to see the sunset’s glow.
With ears to hear what I would know.
Oh, God, forgive me when I whine.
I’ve been blessed indeed, the world is mine.


a simple reminder
that we have so much to be thankful for!
 

Thanks to HDM and…

 

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