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Archive for May, 2008

This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business:
‘We would rather do business with 1000 Al Qaeda terrorists – than with one single soldier!’

You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement, and may ask, ‘What kind of business would dare post such a sign?’

Answer: A Funeral Parlour.
Who said morticians had no sense of humour?

variously attributed to Hamilton, Ontario; Campbeltown, Scotland…
Thanks to PH and…

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AKA Lawyers Who Mess with Newfies

disappeared 2009-04-20

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Class Reunion

I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist. I noticed his DDS diploma, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered a tall, handsome, dark-haired boy with the same name had been in my high school class 40 years ago. Could he be the same guy that I had a secret crush on, way back then?
Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, grey-haired man with the deeply lined face was WAY too old to have been my classmate. After he examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended Chippewa High School. “Yes. Yes, I did. I’m a
Raider,” he gleamed with pride.
“When did you graduate?” I asked.
He answered, “in 1979.” Why do you ask?’
“You were in my class!” I exclaimed.
He looked at me closely, then, that ugly, old, bald, wrinkled, fat ass, grey- haired, decrepit son-of-a-b*tch asked, “What did you teach?”

Thanks to J&B, PH and…

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this is FUNNY!
don’t be fooled by the incongruous pix
http://www.frontiernet.net/~jimdandy/specials/life/life.htm

Thanks to HW, PH and…

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We convince ourselves that life will be better after we get married, have a baby, then another. Then we are frustrated that the kids aren’t old enough and we’ll be more content when they are. After that, we’re frustrated that we have teenagers to deal with. We will certainly be happy when they are out of that stage. We tell ourselves that our life will be complete when our spouse gets his or her act together, when we get a nicer car, when we are able to go on a nice vacation or when we retire.
The truth is there’s no better time to be happy than right now. If not now, when? Your life will always be filled with challenges.
It’s best to admit this to yourself and decide to be happy anyway. Happiness is the way.
So, treasure every moment that you have and treasure it more because you shared it with someone special, special enough to spend your time with… and remember that time waits for no one.

SO, stop waiting:
until you get a new car or home.
until your car or home is paid off.
until your kids leave the house.
until you go back to school.
until you finish school.
until you lose 10 lbs.
until you gain 10 lbs.
until you get married.
until you get a divorce.
until you have kids.
until you retire.
until summer.
until spring.
until winter.
until fall.
until you die.

There is no better time than right now to be happy.

Thanks to PH and…

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Two old guys are pushing their carts around Sobey’s when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, “Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.”
The second old guy says, “That’s OK, It’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.”
The first old guy says, “Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?”
The second old guy says, “Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?”
To which the first old guy says, “Doesn’t matter – let’s look for yours.”

Thanks to PH and…

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moved HERE

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