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Archive for March, 2008

It was a huge wedding with about 300 guests. After the wedding, at the reception, the groom got up on stage with a microphone to talk to the crowd. He said he wanted to thank everyone for coming, many from long distances, to support them at their wedding.
He especially wanted to thank the bride’s family and his family and to thank his new father-in-law for providing such a lavish reception.
As a token of his deep appreciation, he said he wanted to give everyone a special gift just from him. So, taped to the bottom of everyone’s chair, including the wedding party was an envelope.
He said this was his gift to everyone, and asked them all to open their envelopes.

Inside each manila envelope was an 8×10 glossy of his bride having sex with the best man.
The groom had gotten suspicious of them weeks earlier and had hired a private detective to tail them.
After just standing there, just watching the guests’ reactions for a couple of minutes, he turned to the best man and said, “F— you!” Then he turned to his bride and said, “F— you!”
Then he turned to the dumbfounded crowd and said, “I’m outta here.”
He had the marriage annulled first thing in the morning.

Elegant wedding reception for 300 family members and friends: $32,000.
Wedding photographs commemorating the Occasion: $3,000
Deluxe two-week honeymoon accommodations in Maui: $8,500.
The look on everybody’s face when they see the 8×10 glossy of the bride humping the best man: PRICELESS!

There are some things money can’t buy,
for everything else, there’s MASTERCARD!

 

Thanks to DM and…

 

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moved HERE

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Hearing Problem

A man feared his wife wasn’t hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem.
The doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. “Here’s what you do,” said the doctor, “Stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you.
If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response.”
That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, “I’m about 40 feet away, let’s see what happens.”
Then in a normal tone he asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
No response.
So the husband moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Still no response.
Next, he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, “Honey, what’s for dinner?”
Again, he gets no response.
So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. “Honey, what’s for dinner?” Again, there is no response.
So he walks right up behind her. “Honey, what’s for dinner?”

“Dan, for the FIFTH time, it’s CHICKEN!!!!”

Thanks to HW and…

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Thanks to RM and…

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moved HERE

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any questions?

Thanks to MZ and…

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http://www.snopes.com/medical/toxins/pancake.asp

Thanks to hDM and…

 

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