Archive for January, 2008
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely.
So, God asked him, ‘What’s wrong with you?’
Adam said he didn’t have anyone to talk to.
God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, ‘This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you .
She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you’ve had a disagreement.
She will praise you!
She will bear your children. and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them.
‘She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it.’
Adam asked God, ‘What will a woman like this cost?’
God replied, ‘An arm and a leg.’
Then Adam asked, ‘What can I get for a rib?’
Of course the rest is history!!!!
A woman arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the gates. She saw a beautiful banquet table. Sitting all around were her parents and all the other people she had loved and who had died before her. They saw her and began calling greetings to her “Hello – How are you! We’ve been waiting for you! Good to see you.”
When Saint Peter came by, the woman said to him, “This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?” “You have to spell a word,” Saint Peter told her.
“Which word?” the woman asked.
The woman correctly spelled “Love” and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.
About a year later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day.
While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived. “I’m surprised to see you,” the woman said. “How have you been?”
“Oh, I’ve been doing pretty well since you died,” her husband told her. “I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won Lotto 6-4-9. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a huge mansion. And my wife and I travelled all around the world. We were on vacation in Cancun and I went water skiing today. I fell and hit my head, and here I am. What a bummer! How do I get in?”
“You have to spell a word,” the woman told him.
“Which word?” her husband asked.
Moral of the story: Never make a woman angry…
there’ll be Hell to pay later!
Ontario, Canada (CP) – A seven year old boy was at the centre of a Toronto courtroom drama yesterday when he challenged a court ruling over who should have custody of him.
The boy has a history of being beaten by his parents and the judge initially awarded custody to his aunt, in keeping with the child custody law and regulations requiring that family unity be maintained to the degree possible.
The boy surprised the court when he proclaimed that his aunt beat him more than his parents and he adamantly refused to live with her. When the judge suggested that he live with his grandparents, the boy cried out that they also beat him. After considering the remainder of the immediate family and learning that domestic violence was apparently a way of life among them, the judge took the unprecedented step of allowing the boy to propose who should have custody of him.
After two recesses to check legal references and confer with Children’s Aid officials, the judge granted temporary custody to the Toronto Maple Leafs, whom the boy firmly believes are not capable of beating anyone.