Archive for December, 2007

A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam.
The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed?
Breast-fed, “she replied.
Well, strip down to your waist,” the Doctor requested.
She did…He pinched her nipples, pressed kneaded, and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed, the Doctor said, “No wonder this baby is underweight, you don’t have any milk.”
I know,” she said, “I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came.”

Thanks to PH and…


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A 3-year-old boy examined his testicles while taking a bath.
“Mom,” he asked, “Are these my brains?”
“Not yet,” she replied.

Thanks to J&B, MjS, PH and…

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A fart it is a pleasant thing,
It gives the belly ease,
It warms the bed in winter,
And suffocates the fleas.

A fart can be quiet,
A fart can be loud,
Some leave a powerful,
Poisonous cloud

A fart can be short,
Or a fart can be long,
Some farts have been known
To sound like a song…

A fart can create
A most curious medley,
A fart can be harmless,
Or silent , and deadly.

A fart might not smell,
While others are vile,
A fart may pass quickly,
Or linger a while…

A fart can occur
In a number of places,
And leave everyone there,
With strange looks on their faces.

From wide-open prairie,
To small elevators,
A fart will find all of
Us sooner or later.

But farts are all bad,
Is simply not true-
We must never forget…
Sweet old farts like you!

Thanks to J&B and…

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Sent as e-mail 2014-04-30

Real photo; inaccurate description:

Thanks to MapZ and…
The Baby’s Hand

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What’s the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

What’s the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
10 years and 45 lbs.

Thanks to HW and…

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How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell, “BINGO!”

Thanks to HW and…

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  • How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
    Rename the mail folder ‘Instruction Manual.’

  • How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down?
    I don’t know…it never happened
    (C’mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!).

  • What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?
    A rumour.

  • What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?
    You didn’t hold the pillow down long enough.

  • What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
    The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.

  • What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
    Through his chest with a sharp knife.

  • Why did God make men before women?
    you need a rough draft before you make a final copy.

  • Why did God put men on earth?
    Because a vibrator can’t mow the lawn.

  • Why do little boys whine?
    They are practicing to be men.

  • Why do straight men become smarter during sex?
    Because they are plugged into a genius.

  • Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
    Breasts don’t have eyes.

  • Why do men snore when they lie on their backs?
    Because their balls fall over their bum-h*l*s and they vapour-lock. (You’re laughing, aren’t you?!?!)

  • Why does it take 1 million sperm to fertilize one egg?
    They don’t stop to ask directions.

  • Why don’t women blink during sex?
    They don’t have enough time.

  • Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
    Because those men already have boyfriends.

  • Why were men given larger brains than dogs?
    So they won’t hump women’s legs at cocktails parties.

Thanks to HW, PH and…

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