Archive for May, 2007
People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing…
Infidelity begins in the heart and mind. By the time a person physically commits adultery, he or she has been indulging for quite some time in progressively more intense mental and emotional affairs.
…cheating is due to super low self-esteem taken out on your (loved one), as opposed to telling your spouse, “I feel _____…how can you help me?”
Deceit is never justified…It just builds a thicker layer of lies.
The hurt the betrayed spouse feels is in direct proportion to how much they love the wayward spouse and value the marriage.
AKA A New Truck
One day, Jerry Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Andy driving a brand new pickup. Andy pulled up to him with a wide grin.
“Andy, where’d you get that truck?!?”
“Barbara Sue gave it to me” Andy replied.
“She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new truck?”
“Well, Jerry Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Barbara Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
‘Andy, take whatever you want’.
So I took the truck!”
“Andy, you’re a smart man! Them clothes never woulda fit you!”
Thanks to J&B
AKA The Frog
There was this 11-year-old boy walking down the sidewalk dragging a flattened frog on a string behind him. He walked up to a house of ill repute and knocked on the door.
When the Madam answered, she saw the little boy and asked what he wanted.
He said, “I want to have sex with one of the skanks inside. I have the money and I’m not leaving until I do.”
The Madam figured, why not, so she told him to come in. Once inside, she told him to pick any of the whores he liked. He asked, “Do any of the girls have any diseases?” Of course, the Madam said no, but the boy replied, “I heard all the men talking about having to get shots after making it with Laurel. So THAT’S the skank I want!”
Since the little boy was so adamant and had the money to pay for it, the Madam told him to go to the first room on the right. He headed down the hall dragging the squashed frog behind him.
Ten minutes later he came back, still dragging the frog, paid the Madam, and headed out the door.
The Madam stopped him and asked, “Why did you pick the only whore in the place with a disease, instead of one of the others?
He replied, “Well, if you must know…Tonight when I get home, my parents are going out to a restaurant, leaving me at home with my babysitter. After they leave, my babysitter will have sex with me because she just happens to be very fond of little boys. She will get the disease that I just caught.
When Mom and Dad get back, Dad will take the babysitter home. On the way, he’ll jump her bones and he’ll catch the disease.
Then, when Dad gets home from the babysitters, he and Mom will go to bed and have sex, and Mom will catch it.
In the morning when Dad goes to work, the Milkman will deliver the milk, have a quickie with Mom and catch the disease…
And HE’S the son-of-a-bitch who ran over my FROG!
Thanks to J&B and SS
Think a gallon of gas is expensive?
This makes one think, and also puts things in perspective.
Lipton Ice Tea 16 oz $1.19, that’s $9.52 per gallon
Ocean Spray 16 oz $1.25, that’s $10.00 per gallon
Gatorade 20 oz $1.59, that’s $10.17 per gallon
Diet Snapple 16 oz $1.29, that’s $10.32 per gallon
Whiteout 7 oz $1.39, that’s $25.42 per gallon
Brake Fluid 12 oz $3.15, that’s $33.60 per gallon
Scope 1.5 oz $0.99, that’s $84.48 per gallon
Pepto Bismol 4 oz $3.85, that’s $123.20 per gallon
Vick’s Nyquil 6 oz $8.35, that’s $178.13 per gallon
And this is the REAL KICKER
Evian water 9 oz $1.49 that’s $21.19 per gallon? $21.19 for WATER, and the buyers don’t even know the source. (Evian spelled backwards is Naive.)
So, the next time you’re at the pump, be glad your car doesn’t run on bottled water, whiteout or Scope, or, God forbid Pepto Bismal or Nyquil.
Just a little humour to help ease the pain of your next trip to the pump.
And, if you don’t pass this along to at least one person, your nose will fall off.
Thanks to JFW and MZ
AKA The Nun & the G.I./Soldier
A deserter GI was running down a road escaping from Military Police.He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He said to her, “Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes.I’ll explain why later.”
The nun agreed to his request.Shortly thereafter, two MPs came running along, stopped, and asked the nun if she had seen a soldier running down the road.She replied, “He went that way.”
After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, “I can’t thank you enough Sister, but you see I don’t want to go to Iraq.”
The nun said, “I understand completely.”
Then the GI said, “I hope you don’t think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I have ever seen!”
The nun replied, “If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen a great pair of b*lls as well!I don’t want to go to Iraq either!”